To Love or Not to Love...?

This blog was co-authored with black girl blogger & ultimate baddie, @BrandiNikkale. Find her blog at www.brandinikkale.com

This crazy thing that we call love is tricky. In its purest form, it can be described as sublime, sensational, divine, & true. In its worse form, it can be described as painful, wretched, miserable & unfortunate. Both sides of this emotion can be relatable based off of a person’s own experience, but the question is though what do you choose?

Would you rather have lived a life of love even if you know that you'll lose it or lived a life devoid of the emotion that we so deeply covet? 

Here’s both sides:

The highs of being in love are amongst the best feeling I have ever known. You feel this rush of excitement and energy that infuses every area of your life. As the old saying goes, “You’re nobody until somebody loves you” But….as high as the highs are….the lows are doubly as painful.

Lauryn Hill put it perfectly in her song When It Hurts So Bad:

“I loved real real hard once but the love wasn’t returned. Found out the man I’d die for…he wasn’t even concerned.”

Heartbreak can take you to some dark places. Most people know me as this super confident woman but there was a time when I didn’t want to exist because the heartache had taken me so deep. I remember praying to God to just take me before morning. I refused to eat. I refused to sleep. I refused to leave the bed. I wanted revenge, redemption and release all at the same time.

Everything in my life that was once covered in color had taken on a monochrome shade of grey. Things that used to bring the greatest sense of joy suddenly made me sick to my stomach. Every ring of the phone brought the smallest glimmer of hope that only lasted until I realized it wasn’t him. 

While I have healed from this, I am not the same. Much like healing from being burned to the bone in a fire, you can heal, you can have cosmetic surgery and it may not show a trace of the catastrophe that took place but the skin is never quite the same where you’ve been burned.

I vowed to myself in the midst of my despair to never love another the way that I loved him. I love but with caution now. I desire love but not the kind of love that takes you to the cloud only to leave you plummeting when it releases its hold. I love with the idea that love can be snatched away at any moment. Losing a love that deep changes you, it damages you and while it may make you stronger it also builds a strong wall structured of thorns to protect the delicacy of your heart and makes it damn near impossible for anyone to find themselves there again.

I often ask myself if it’s better to have loved and lost or never loved at all… If I had it to do all over again, I would have never said hello. 

-Brandi

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A hello & a smile was what won me over. What made me realize that love was attainable… in my reach…something for me. A whirlwind of emotion & warmth was what I felt & wanted to feel for the rest of my life. The feelings of happiness. The giddy schoolgirl blushing. The compliments. The reason my heart was full was because of love. It’s indescribable when it takes over. In the moment, it makes you feel like life is worth living… like you have a reason.

Love is tricky because it does not always stick around, but instead will give you what you need then move on to its next victim without remorse. Though unpredictable in its approach love can be the tool that makes or breaks. Gives or takes. It is up to us to decide which one it’s going to be.

For me, the best thing so far in life has been the love I’ve received. Although devoid of the feeling in my current stage, love has been the emotion that has brought me most joy & given me the most hope & motivation. To me, love is a host that carries a multitude of things that can advance to places & crevices in our lives & moments that we didn’t even know existed.

To be loved in the purest form, gives hope to the hopeless, & gives adequacy to those who may feel inadequate. Sometimes love doesn’t last & that’s okay. The memorable feelings & the warmth when looking back makes it all worthwhile. To be able to look back & say that I’ve felt something made by God (even if it was from the devil lol) is something I don’t take lightly. Being able to take the good & the bad & turn it into something so beautifully flawed is art.

Even if it never happens again (Lord knows I am hoping it does), I can truly say that my heart is full because of it. Love saw me when I didn’t see myself. Love held me when I needed  comfort. Love picked me up each time I fell.

So if ever asked again…

Would I rather have loved & lost than never to have loved at all?

In the words of the India.Arie:

“If you ask me tomorrow, I’d say the same thing”

Love is always going to be my answer.

-Teedra

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If you had to, which would you choose?

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