Single Black Female: Valentine's Edition

32 years in & I’ve never had a real valentine… Have you seen my smile?!? How that happen Lord? (lbvs) In all honesty this has never really affected me until this year. Each year when Valentine’s Day rolls around my friends & my mom are my blanket. For years my mom has always made me feel loved on this day because I’ve never had that someone special to celebrate me. My friends & I would do or plan things that would combat the loneliness that was threating to plague us all.

For the past two or so years I have been affirming that by such & such date that I would be with the man of my dreams... that by the New Year, I’d be on my way to marriage but here I am still single as that lone braid left in the Walmart parking lot…  

As time progresses, I am learning to be okay with whatever the outcome of this single season will be. Is this my forever situation? Is this moment on its way out the door? Is my husbae around the corner? Whatever the answer to these questions may be, I am learning to be okay regardless.

Although my heart aches for love, companionship, & a warm safe space in a strong man’s arms, this season of love will be no different for me so here are some of the things that you can do to combat the hell out of that feeling of aloneness &/or loneliness:

1.  Book yourself a romantic getaway (That’s COVID safe of course): Have you been desperately wanting to visit a new city/country during this time? Or even staycation in your own city? The perfect moment doesn’t exist so STOP WAITING on it. Just go. You’ll never know or appreciate a good moment until you learn to cultivate them alone!

2. Hire a chef: Cooking the same ol’ dinners you make weekly or trying that new Pinterest (or in my case TikTok) recipe is cool & all but on this occasion spoil yourself! Let someone else take the burden of responsibility away for a while & sit back & enjoy your favorite glass of wine or favorite strain or both (whatever you prefer)!

 3. Buy some lingerie or put on your favorite outfit: Even if you don’t have plans to leave your house, beat that face & put on whatever it is that makes you feel your best. Set that phone on timer mode & take some photos. You don’t have to send them to anyone. Just having some pics in an album curated especially for you is top tier. You’d be surprised at how confident & sexy it actually makes you feel.

 4. Call up a friend for dinner & drinks: This is my approach this year. Galantine’s has become a thing in my friend groups as an adult because we are really all we got. I can’t wait to throw this new dress on & put my favorite lashes on because I deserve.

 5. Face your feelings: If this time brings up emotions you usually suppress, take a moment & get to the root. Identify how you’re feeling & coping. Identify the best practices to put into place to ensure that if these emotions ever arise again you are equipped to handle & deal in a way that promotes positivity & assurance that it won’t always be like this.

 Listen, I don’t have all the answers, but living the life of emotions I have lived has prepared me for the right now & beyond. If you can’t find your place to deal in any of the ways listed, I promise its fine. There is no sure fire guide on how to handle emotions, matters of the heart, loneliness, or singleness in this season of love. All you can do is what you feel is best. It is my hope that whatever that may be is the most genuine & heartfelt thing you’ve ever done for YOU! 

In all ways & in all things,

Let go & Let Love

-Tee