That’s All Folks

I said that I did NOT want to end this year the way that I ended last year, but truthfully, it almost happened.

At the end of last year I was prepared to say my goodbyes. I was suffering so much that I was ready to end my 33 year bid on this earth. I felt lost, unloved, useless, & just like nothing. I was in a dark place. As I lay on the floor of apt 237, I was fully prepared to give up. I hated my job, friends were leaving my life left & right, I felt invisible & extremely disposable. I wasn’t happy with how things just weren’t moving…how after years of praying for my way out, I still felt stuck with no escape… As much as it pains me to say this, I still feel that way.

If you’re close to me, I am sure that you have heard me complain about how much this year has kicked my ass. God definitely gave me the strongest battles of my life this year & had me thinking I was absolutely NOT one of his strongest soldiers. If I am being honest, 2022 has felt like a never ending moment of “if it ain’t one thing, it’s another'“ & then some.

This year gave me pockets of happiness & glimpses into the life I want to live, while at the same time pulling me back into the reality that I am currently living. I’m not in a space where I don’t want to be here anymore, but I am in a space that NEEDS & YEARNS for more. For something else besides this emptiness.

I wish I had an amazing & life-changing update for y'all, but I don't. In the last 12 months I've been hit with constant L’s & I've felt a lot of the same pain from 2021 all this year. There have been countless amounts of times where I just wanted to give up & so many times when the only thing I could do was cry. Like most, I had so many goals for the year & the only thing I was able to do & be proud of was surviving. If I may say so myself thats a damn good accomplishment.

Of course I have things that I want to make happen in the new year, but if all I do is make it, that's perfectly fine too. I’ve lost my spark & love of sharing with y'all & I need to get that back. Today, I am okay because I get to bring in my new year surrounded by love & support, but emotionally not much has changed. I do know that I'm going to get it right though. One step. One day at a time.

As the year comes to a close, I wish us all immense amounts of happiness, fulfillment, & so much satisfiction. Whatever you didn't get the chance to do, rest easy knowing that as long as you are alive, you have a chance to submit to your hearts desires & if all you do in 2023 is wake up each day & try then that's more than enough.

I love you all!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

In all ways & in all things,

Let go & Let Love

-Tee