Season 33 Vol. 1
Y’all! So lately things have been feeling real Series of Unfortunate Events-ish & honestly it has caused sleepless nights & a lot of tears. I have been feeling like something is trying to get to me. Like what I’ve been praying for is around the corner, but I just keep making the wrong turns. I have been seeing synchronicity, angel numbers, & affirmations everywhere but still in the dark about what it all meant. It’s been hard as hell to navigate life when you just don’t know.
I have always been the person that never wanted to know what was going to happen before it happened because I like the buildup… I like the anticipation… but regarding my life happenings, I felt like now was a time that I needed to know. I liked not knowing because I didn’t want to think so far ahead in the future that I was unable to enjoy the things right in front of me or miss something because my focus was elsewhere. I started to feel like I was/am walking around blind & oblivious to my surroundings & I needed to know what was next.
Recently, I’ve been trying to become more active in listening to spirit, attempting to allow my guides to lead me, & meditation. Everything felt so surface… even my faith in God & trying to connect just didn’t feel rooted in anything. I was reading my Bible verses daily, listening to sermons, having my own praise & worship & nothing was hittin’. I felt/feel nothing.
It’s frustrating as hell to know that there is a message for you that you aren’t in a space to receive. Soooooooooo….. your girl got a reading… & welp things just got more complicated.
Everything that I had been feeling. Everything that I knew to be true has been confirmed. She told me that I needed to get outta my own way. That I needed to listen to what God has been trying to tell me & honestly I don’t even know what that is. It could be that I have so much going on my mind is crowded & cluttered or maybe it could be that my physical is fighting my spiritual because I know what needs to be done. Whatever it is, I need to figure it out. Whatever it is, has been even more worried about what’s next.
After the reading was over, I just sat in silence & have been for a damn week. I just want & need to hear something. Something that tells me that it’s going to be okay. Something that tells me that the sacrifices & the pain I’ve been feeling isn’t in vain. I am aware that sometimes those things might not come, but I also believe God enough to know that He didn’t bring me this far to leave me.
Therapy this week has also confirmed things that I received in the reading along with things I’ve already knew to be true. In the words of Langston Hughes, “Life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.” Year 32 was probably the roughest time for me & almost a month into year 33, I am desperately hoping that things turn in my favor.
They say (whoever they is) ‘You have to go through to get to’ & I am GOING THROUGH IT! I know that things won’t always be like this & I know I repeat that often, but it truly is the thing that keeps me going. Life changes for us like the seasons & some are our favorite, others not so much, but even in our least favorite times we have to shed old ways & adapt to whatever new moment we are walking in to.
Even in all that, remember you have to Grow through, what you Go through. I promise it will all work out.
In all ways & in all things,
Let go & Let Love
-Tee
