The Jesus Year…
Today is 33…
When I turned 30 everyone talked about how great life would be. How things would begin to change. How happy I would be. Year 30 & 31 were beautiful. The tears of joy came frequently. The happiness was shining through. I felt like I was walking into the best version of myself… then 32 happened…
This last year has been the emotional rollercoaster from hell. I have probably cried myself to sleep 300 days out of the 365. I have felt so isolated. So alone. So disregarded. So uninspired. This year was a complete 180 from what I had been experiencing & I have no idea how I was able to navigate it. I’m just glad I was blessed enough to make it in spite of.
They (whoever they is) call 33 the “Jesus Year” when I thought back on what this meant for me I was like oh Lord I ain’t tryna die, but once I really begin to figure out what that meant, I realized that for Jesus, 33 meant purpose. He was placed here to fulfill something so much bigger than himself. 33 meant that the exact thing that He was born to do was finally here. 33 meant sacrifice for purpose. Sacrifice for the ultimate reward & for the world that meant being saved & I don’t know for sure but I would guess for Jesus that meant fulfillment & satisfaction in knowing that what He was brought here to do was done for a purpose & plan much bigger than himself.
Now that I am walking into a new year of life, I am realizing what exactly this new phase means to me. I’ve interpreted 33 as a shedding of the old layers so that I can get my shiny new coat. I have to put away what’s hindered me in the past in order to come to my ultimate fulfillment. My purpose. For years I’ve prayed to know what I was here to do. For years I’ve screaming & cried about purpose only to live in a constant cycle of trying to figure it out. I know that I won’t magically know what my purpose & plan for life is just because I turned 33, but I do know that I’m walking into something. I know that the pain in 32 cannot & will not be in vain or carry over so in this new year I am forced to face my hurt, my pain, my struggle head on. I don’t ever want to go through that again & I won’t.
33 to me means purpose. Whatever that looks like for me I’m open to it all. 33 means another chance to redeem myself. Another year to step into the woman God has created me to be. I had no idea last year would rock me the way that it did but I’m actually kind of glad I had to go through to get to this… I know that every day won’t be sunshine & rainbows. I know that I’m still going to struggle but with a new perspective, a new found confidence, & Gods purpose filled plans for me… I got this!
I’m not going to lie & say that any of this happened over night but each year at the beginning of my birthday month I stop & reflect & in that I’ve concluded that the hardships, heartache, & hell were needed. I’ve never known pain like I did in year 32. I never knew hurt like I did until then. All of those things I felt & cried out for have been washed away & now the newness has space to come in & reside.
I’m thankful for my life. I’m happy with each step I take toward something greater even when it doesn’t feel good. I’m confident in the plan for this next year of life. I’m excited to walk into purpose.
It’s definitely my time…
Let go & Let Love
-Tee
