No Oops!... I Did It Again
It’s been a minute since I had some tee for y’all, but the shenanigans have started randomly again so I’m back with another hot sip!
Almost 3 weeks ago, around the middle of March our resident toxic nigga paid me a visit (if you’re new here, refer to my first 3-5 blogs for an introduction). I’m not going to lie I was BEYOND BORED so I entertained conversations with him for a few weeks & things seemed to be cool so I was actually looking forward to a guest. The plan or so I thought was that he was going to be here a few days before returning to wherever he came from. & of course me thinking that was the reason the sugar turned to shit real fast.
I was excited to see him… to have company… to be in the presence of some masculine protective energy. I did not know what our time together would look like, but I was assured that we would have a good experience. He touched down on a Wednesday night. After I got off, I went to pick him up, of course. We ran a few errands then this is where the red flags started waving.
I asked him what he wanted for dinner the typical male response was “You” after the corny line he said he didn’t know… I decided for the both of us that we would go to this loaded potato spot (@loadedpotatobaratl on IG if you’re in Atlanta) that I really liked. We get there & he looks at the options & the prices & he goes “you could have just taken me to Burger King or somewhere with a dollar menu...” I am standing there like what?
I say ‘I don’t eat Burger King when you aren’t here, so what the hell makes you think I will when you are?’
I tell him to just order & I paid because it was late & I refused to stop anywhere else that wasn’t my apartment. Once we get to my apartment, I immediately begin to regret the open invitation. My space is my peace & the disturbance of his presence was so prominent, but I ignored it.
It seemed that everything that I did or said he had a comeback comment about me being extra. He also kept asking “When did you get so bougie?” I never responded for real, but I made mental note that he clearly was expecting the same me from our past & I made it VERY clear that she was long gone. He continued to comment on my independence & I always followed up with if I don’t take care of me then who the hell will?
We almost made it a full 48 hours without incident, but Friday after I got off work the situation went left. I left him at my place while I worked (it was giving déjà vu). He was well aware of the time I got off, but when I got home, I was locked out of my apartment because he proceeded to lock the inside lock that has no outside access. I knocked several times… no answer… I call him & he answers with an attitude because I interrupted his sleep! He comes to open the door & then allows it to close in my face & walks away… I was hot!
Instead of being confrontational, I do my usual after work routine & cuddle up on the couch to catch up on my shows. He walks to the patio to smoke, comes back in, & starts the drama.
Him: “What’s the problem”
Me: “Chill, don’t worry about it”
Him yelling: “You got an attitude because the damn door was locked? I was sleep!”
Me: “Since you want to do this, you damn right I have an attitude. I’ve been at work all day, I come home & can’t get into MY shit then you got a whole ass attitude about some shit that ain’t that serious. You knew what time I got home… Why tf was the door dead bolted anyway? What you scared of?”
Him: “You keep saying this yo shit (blah blah blah), just take me to my mama house. I don’t have to deal with this shit”
Me: “Sayless, let’s go”
He packs up his bag then walks out the door without a word. At this point I’m laughing because what are you really mad for sir? We get in the car & of course… Atlanta traffic on a Friday afternoon… I’m having a nice lil concert then he begins to speak. Asking me about if I meant the things I said before he got here & what was the point...? I tell him that I’m not having that conversation because I don’t argue with niggas that don’t belong to me & I’ve made up my mind that this will be the last time we speak in life because nah.
He proceeds to go low & says “You still the same lil ass girl I met over 10 years ago. Your ass ain’t changed. I should have known better” (there was more but I’ma keep it PG) but I also should have known better… once a bum, always a bum.
I make it to his moms house only to discover that he may have been trying to move in y’all or maybe stay much longer than a weekend because there was stuff in my trunk that he clearly didn’t bring with him on his flight. Clothes… shoes… a whole damn closet! Like bro, WTF?!!?
He gets his crap. Slams my door. Then walks off. Before I back out of the driveway, I block his number & laugh because… THE AUDACITY!
Anyway, let’s unpack this real quick. I feel like he had a whole scheme & plot before he even got here to use me. In the past, unfortunately I fell for a lot of the things that he presented. This version of me, though, wasn’t going for it. I came to the realization that this man never had good intentions for my presence in his life.
Crazy enough I never bad mouthed him for having less. I never made him feel like less of a man because for years I poured into him & prayed for the best of things to be revealed in his life. Even in all of that, he still gave me his ass to kiss. He still disrespected me because there was/is a lack of lack in my life. What I require, I can also provide. He wanted me to need him so bad when he got here & when he saw that things were the opposite he didn’t know how to process that.
Even if I did need him, he didn’t have a thing to give anyway. I will never understand how a man can expect to be treated like a man but by the standards does absolutely NOTHING to support that claim. I work hard to make the life I want for myself & for him to discredit it & think that calling me “bougie” was an insult is kinda funny to me. If he ever gets the opportunity to cross my path & breathe the same air as me again… I’m going to be even more bougie.
I don’t know what I expected or why I thought time would make things different, but I was hopeful. I know some that have followed my journey may think that I am a real fool for revisiting that situation & that’s cool. Being lonely, bored, & single can sometimes cause a lapse in judgement. I made a decision that wasn’t the best, but I know to never do it again… simple
Lesson learned.
C’est La Vie
In all ways & in all things,
Let go & Let Love
-Tee
