Life Lessons: vol. 1

It has been said that being a good person, would bring you good things. I am here to tell you that being a good person is NOT ENOUGH. I have tried the treat others how you want to be treated, the do good & it will come back to you, the when they go low, you go high methods & I can confidently inform you that that has not held the truth in the way that one would think.

I’ve had my share of heartache brought on by dishonesty, lies, backstabbing, & fake love. While I was curled up in the bed bawling, asking God why & lowkey begging for reprieve, those same people continued on in life like nothing happened. Thriving careers, welcoming new life, marriages… everything & well me, I sat alone in my sadness. Not saying that these people don’t deserve theses things, but also saying that in their awfulness, they still managed to attract the good.

Karma wasn’t doing her thing. Hell, she still isn’t but I digress…

Some could argue that I don’t know what said people had to battle internally to get to those things, I could argue that I really don’t give af… Not because I am heartless but because I know what I’ve had to sacrifice for some of them to experience my light… for some of them to become better on the account of my actions.

In this never-ending lesson, & I’ve had to learn that although I loved, poured, & gave my all that, it was never enough for someone who wasn’t ready to receive it which now makes me feel like it was all in vain. I have some of my best memories with people who can really go to hell.

I know I sound angry in this. If I am being honest, I am. Angry at myself for not seeing the signs early. Angry at myself for being so gracious & giving, completely ignoring the blood sucking that was happening in my life. Angry because I was so focused on making sure everyone else was fed that I was starving myself.

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In hindsight, this is all my fault. I am not placing the blame on anyone outside of me, but I am pointing out what I know to be true now that I am out of all of those draining situations. It’s not lost on me that I deserve good things, but as of today it feels like an unattainable feat.

Will I continue on being the best version of myself with whoever I encounter…? Absolutely! But I’ll also be more careful to not give more of me than I know I have to give. Life is really a game of chance. A cycle of ebs & flows that doesn’t always balance out. One thing that’s guaranteed though is that we only have this one life to live so in knowing that, we have to be cognizant of where we allow our light to shine & also remember to keep a little of it for ourselves on days when the darkness is the only thing we are able to see.

In all ways & in all things,

Let go & Let Love

-Tee