When Your Best Just Ain’t Good Enough
I know I said I was done but, I lied guys…
With the popularity of the 50 part series from Reesa Teesa & the fan favorite on Love is Blind, AD, I think it’s time to admit that we’ve all been there in one way or another. Craving love, affection, attention, want & need from a man we KNOW is not right for us. Some may say that they cannot relate, that they have never been dumb for a man, ignored the red flags, or believed spoken words over actions. If that is you, then gone head & click the X. This is for the girlies that felt that punch in the gut as they sat & watched or listened to their unshared story through the lens of another women.
When I heard AD say “I am never enough” the tears began to flow because in my 35 years of life, I heard how great I am, how great I can be, how it should’ve been me with their last name from old flames that chose someone else, but it wasn’t…. I wasn’t…
I wasn’t good enough for them to stay. I wasn’t what they wanted to complete their image. I wasn’t the girl who, when they dreamed, appeared, but yet I am the great one, right? I never doubted my worth or what I offer, but I’ve always struggled with why it was never enough for anyone that was able to take some of my light to enhance their view. We hear all the time how life isn’t fair. How we need to wait our turn & once we get the things we’ve been desiring and praying for, we will understand why the wait was necessary… That’s cute & all, but it doesn’t take from the pain during that “wait”
When I started Ressa’s 50 part series, I knew I would relate. Not because I loved a liar (I actually did), but because like her, I just wanted it to be my turn. Being a late bloomer, I didn’t get to experience the puppy love, the high school boyfriends, the chaperoned dates because I was too young so when this woman came on the screen to tell her story to the world it resonated because after so long I also wondered when my turn would come & I would be able to catch up with those who so long ago surpassed me in the love department.
The desire for your person. Companionship. The one… is so strong because even the Bible tells us that we were not made to be alone, but here we are. Hell, here I am just trying to figure out why just me is never enough…why my encounters never equate to the love I give or know that I deserve.
Transparent moment: the last 6 months have been rough for me because men that I’ve interacted with on physical, emotional, even spiritual levels have all seem to have found their “one” & guess what…? It’s not me. Does it sting a lil bit? HELL YES, but besides crying, taking some breaths & shop therapy there’s nothing I can do but move on in hopes that the next time I’ll get it right.
The overwhelming desire to be needed, wanted, loved, & cherished makes us sometimes put on those rose-colored glasses & ignore things that we sometimes shouldn’t. You can admit it or not, but most of us have been in the shoes of these women in one way or another & I pray/hope that even when we get to the moment & we have to ask the question “Why Am I Never Enough?” We never lose sight of our visions, goals, & desires to be loved properly during that pain. I pray that we one day we can exist in a space where we might even be too much & even then for the right person, it’ll be just right.
Sending us all so much love in these moments…
In all ways & in all things,
Let go & Let Love
-Tee
