Dating Diaries: Volume 1

“But I’m having the worst luck on Tinder. Oooh why’d ya have to be a big pretender?”

-Ari Lennox

Okay, so listen. The shit that happens to me I truly cannot make up. Let’s get into another episode of The Disastrous Dating Diary: Teedra Edition. 

So like a psycho glutton for punishment, I got my ass back on Tinder expecting different results. I’m an opti/pessimist in a lot of ways (I see the best in things, but don’t think the best if that makes any sense), so I’m thinking this time will definitely be different. Set your intentions at the beginning stand firm & maybe things will change.

Ha! What was I…? Wrong as hell! I put the least on my profile, trying to avoid doing the most in the bio, posted some cute pictures, & got to swiping. The conversations were scarce. Like dudes really get on Tinder, swipe, match, & don’t reach out or reply when females message first. Weird flex, but we will go with it. 

Theeeeeeen Darius happened. Darius was handsome. Light eyes. Great smile (he had all his teeth & they were white!) well mannered & cool enough to converse with. After some back & forth, we exchanged numbers. 

The conversation was slow, but steady. We talked about family, slight dusted over the topic of sex, likes & dislikes normal “get to know you" stuff. We were getting a feel for one another so cool. Darius was funny, articulate (kinda), & easy to talk to. I felt comfortable talking to him so when he asked to exchange photos  I’m like cool. I’m me. I stopped catfishing in ’08, let’s do it.  After him gassing up all my pics, I’m like okay then he might be different from the rest, I’ll give him a real shot. 

I am the worst at dating & I truly give no one the time of day because I don’t like my time being wasted or have time to put up with all the nonsense that males seem to bring these days. So it was weird. Something was off. I felt it. I ignored it because he was really fine y’all & honestly I needed a date. (My juice has literally dissolved)

Darius & I talked as well as Facetimed, but due to different schedules & him leaving town for a week shorty after we connected, we didn’t get a chance to meetup face to face. We had planned to meet up once he got back the following Tuesday (if you’re reading this in real time… tomorrow lol), but in a sudden turn of events he reached out & told me he would be coming back home on an earlier flight Friday night so we could meet up once he got back in & settled. I agreed to get together with him after an event I attended that night… this is where it goes left & down the block.

He didn’t have a plan. Every place I suggested, he shot down. He mentioned in our earlier conversations that his sister & her kids moved in with him so his place was off limits due to him respecting her blah blah (I’ve concluded that he’s 85% married), but that was out the question anyway because I can chill at my own home. Anyway, he finally decided that we grab dessert from Sweet Hut since they are open until 1 AM on weekends. 

I was much further away than he was & still beat him there. Once he finally arrived he got out & came to open my car door. OKAY GENTLEMAN!

We decided to sit in his car since the place was super packed inside. No big deal this is just a casual meetup, a pre-date if you will. We were talking, laughing, shooting the shit when he reached over & kissed me…tried to cop a feel… all that. I felt nothing… like my eyes were open & I wanted it to be over… NOTHING. I’m awkward af so of course I knock his phone out the cup holder & start unplugging shit trying to make it stop.

Once I get away from the kiss he goes:

“I know a dark lot close to here where we can make what you said you liked a reality…”

 (I’m sorry nigga what?) 

I say: “uhhh no. this definitely isn’t that type of party, we good”

He then proceeds to say… “I’m going to have to call you Twitter fingers because you did all that talking through text & you’re not about that action.”  (strike 1)

He then asks “How old are you again?

I say “What does that have to do with anything” & tell him.

He replies “I know you’ve been around the block a few times. This is no different.” (strike 2)

I had already made the decision at that point that this was a no & was planning my exit. He then tries to make me feel bad by saying,

“I guess I have to go home & jack off another night” (strike 3)

At this point I am baffled & my hand is on the handle of his car door. I had nothing else to say after that. He then asks me what I’m about to do. I respond that I am about to head home & I get TF on. 

I truly cannot believe that this man thought that I was going to buss it wide open in the backseat of his Durango in a public ass place the first time we met! The disrespect is unmatched. 

Needless to say we haven’t spoken since Friday night & we probably never will again. This is a classic case of not properly setting intentions. If he would have said right off what it was that he wanted I could have made the choice to continue to engage in conversation with him or to count it as a loss & move on. He played the nice guy role too well (to quote Ari Lennox yet again, “Should call you Mannie Fresh ‘cuz you the number 1 stunna”)

I guess he did all that to try to lure me in not expecting me to be as firm as I was by telling him that the backseat action wasn’t happening. I told him upfront the type of vibe & situation I was pursuing so why he thought he could change my mind I’m not too sure. I said a few times that those light eyes felt shifty & damn it was I right??? Or was I right? lol 

Seriously though, all men are not like this. I truly believe that to be true so I am not going to give up just yet, but I am going to stay the hell away from these sites. It’s always the same dude just a different platform for their shenanigans. I firmly believe that the man God has for me is closer than I think. 

I guess I’ll keep kissing frogs until then…