Cheers To 31 Years

This weekend I turned 31 & I cried. Not because I was necessarily sad. Not because I was hurt but because I’ve finally come to realize just how much my life has changed. How much love & loss I’ve experienced.

5 years ago I thought things were supposed to be different. I was supposed to be at least 1 kid in & married to who I thought was my forever by now. God said “NOPE!” & I now trust that His plan is so much better than my own. 

Stepping into year 31, my eyes have been opened. I realized Thursday night that I was still living in a “WE” fairytale not a “ME” reality. I was still hanging on to the hope that maybe just maybe someone would come along sooner than later & insert themselves into my life for the lifelong ride & the “WE” plan could proceed.

Then it hit me. The way that I had been thinking, moving, & praying really left no room for things to work out the way they were supposed to. I saw the long term all the time & was missing out on all the greatness that had been placed before me like right in front of me in the form of my amazing friends & blessings. (I’m sorry God) 

When I took a step back & began to reevaluate the plan, I saw that for the past decade there was never a plan for “ME” Teedra’s guide to navigating life without a man was non-existent & I’m really out here just winging it.

Many may not want to admit this at my age or at any age really, but I honestly do not know what the hell I’m doing with my life. I do pretty well making a life & memories with my loved ones, but why am I here? What is the plan for ME & only me? QTNA! 

I’ve dubbed 31 the year of reevaluation & inner correction. It’s like how can I be good for the people around me & those that enter my life if I’m stuck on a course that I should have been off of years ago? 

I want to be able to welcome new opportunities, new people, & new adventures into my life & not have to carry anything over from an expired plan to spoil this new plan of action. I don’t know where exactly the next 365 days will take me, but I do know that I am ready. All things old have been placed on a shelf that I won’t ever revisit & I’m ready for a new ride.

It’s my favorite season of the year: Fall & during this time I am always mindful of this quote: “The trees are about to show us how lovely it is to let things go…” exhaling the bad & inhaling the good…

Here’s to 31… Be good to me