Crazy Little Thing Called Love

The crazy thing about life is you never know what will happen or what it will bring you. Since I was a child, all I ever wanted was love. I saw my parents, I saw my aunts & uncles, I saw the princesses on Disney & always believed that that life was for me.

As I sit in my life at 32, I’m starting to realize that the love that I yearn for & sometimes desperately hope will find me one day might never come. That thought alone scares me. It makes me feel inadequate. It makes me feel like what I offer may never be enough. In my mind & heart I know that I am worthy. I know that I deserve all good things, but I also wonder ‘why not me?’ more than I should these days.

In my early 20’s I was adamant about finding & keeping a love that lasts. I literally made it my business to go out, mix & mingle & build. In my late 20’s I realized that my plan was so flawed & that I had been looking for love in all the wrong places. Now in my 30’s I’m honestly not looking at all…

I’ve come to terms, in a way, about never finding that love. Am I okay with the option? Not really… Do I accept the fact that it doesn’t happen for everybody & I’m not excluded? Absolutely… It’s the maturity for me! I never thought that I would be in a space where I would be okay no matter the outcome of love in my life was. I never thought that I would get to a point where it would be okay even if it wasn’t okay.

What does it really mean to be fully accepting of not getting the things that you desire with your whole heart? What does it look like when you crave, yearn, pray & fast for something that doesn’t even seem attainable? Seeing those around me be courted, pursued, hell simply wanted in a way that isn’t only physical is hard sometimes.

This year, if nothing else I have realized that this is not the time for being sad & thinking that I am missing out on something because I am still single. Singleness has been such a gift for me because I have been allowed to say no… to decide what, when, & how I want to do things. Not having to entertain other energy outside of my own feels amazing.

As y’all know, I have been through it when it comes to my love life & dating. This alone time has allowed me to give myself the gift of grace that I’ve given so much to others. I’ve allowed myself to make mistakes & really find out who it is that Teedra wants to be & what it is that Teedra wants.

I’m not taking myself off the market, but I am happily sitting on the top shelf waiting for my turn. If it never happens for me, fortunately I’ve been able to know love in intimacy & in platonic ways that are fulfilling enough to carry me over.

I fully trust the plan that has been outlined for me by God. I have no doubt that what is to come will blow my mind. I think things for me have been more about sitting in these moments & cherishing my space than about finding love.

To be real, I do still hope that one day loves comes knocking. I won’t say that I am looking for it anymore, but I will say that I am still very open. I am going to be alright either way. I am fortunate enough to have a tribe that cares for me when I have the moments & when I feel hopeless & helpless. That alone is enough to sustain anyone.

They (whoever they is) say that by a certain age you’ve already met the person you’re supposed to marry… If that’s the case then bae where you at?

God, if I know him & been curving him… Just say that! lol

 In all things remember to always

-Let Go & Let Love