Dating... For me it’s been a rough ride that I’m not even sure I want to be on any longer. I suck at it. I’ve appropriately given myself the title of “The First Date Queen.” I never know what to think after dates because I truly feel that things go well then I never get a call or text back.
The last adventure in dating that I had was October ’18. I was swiping on Tinder one Saturday afternoon bored out of my mind when “Jay” asked me to meet that night for drinks. I was hype. I had a fresh set of box braids, a full tank & time to spare so I agreed.
We met up in Downtown (Atlanta) at a cute lil spot called Match Bamboo Lounge. The vibe was cool, the conversation was awkward at first because we had never had a real convo outside of the small talk on Tinder before we agreed to meet.
We laughed & conversed for about 4 hours before the drinks & hookah got to me & we parted ways. That was the last time I heard from him. A few days after his text thread had been deleted, I went back & replayed what happened that could have pushed him away. I concluded that it was my excessive application of chapstick smh (hookah & talking too damn much makes your lips dry). Anyway, aside from that I don’t think that things could have gone better from my view point.
I gather from that encounter & a few others before him that even if I had done everything right, a man knows what he wants going into any situation with a woman, & if I just wasn’t that there is nothing that I could have done to change his mind.
I believe that’s a concept, as a woman, that’s hard to grasp. We believe that we are great catches, we know we will be great wives & homemakers, we plan a whole life with a man who has probably already shown us or told us in some way that we ain’t it.
I’m learning with each encounter that being honest & upfront saves all parties involved a helluva lot of time & heartache. Being honest about your intentions & putting it all on the table in the beginning will keep a lot of us from having to make bail or file claims with our car insurance.
I’ve tried not to make dating a major factor in the past 365 because I’ve been trying to get over past traumas & get to know me 100%. Now that I’m in a good space with it all & I’m getting back out there intentionally I’m realizing a few things:
The competition is stiff in Atlanta. I’m a simple girl & I’m kind of a homebody. The guys I meet feel like all females are the same & I get turned off easily because these negros do entirely too much to impress & I am not that girl
Most of the men who are out looking to “date” are married, (STAY WOKE! If that finger is lighter than the others, run!) in a situation, got a baby on the way, or they don’t know what they really want.
You have got to do them like they do you until you deem them worthy of something else. This one may be harsh, but it’s true.
Stay busy. Don’t sacrifice your time & effort for someone who is not willing to do the same.
TAKE OFF THE BLINDERS. See things for what they really are & not what you want them to be. Don’t convince yourself that something is more than what it really is.
Recently I had to take my own advice. I was so in love with the idea of begin with this dude who told me countless times over the past few years that he wasn’t ready aka I wasn’t it. I had convinced myself that I was what he needed & that I would give him time & space to see that & he would be running back. I was wrong as hell on that one.
I see him now on social media & realize how much of a bullet I dodged & thank God. I was willing to deal with mediocre sex forever because I saw the life he could provide & what we could have. I’m thankful that I woke up from that dream though because I’m certain sub-par penis wasn’t what God wanted for my life. Seriously though, I have learned to be cautious about who & what I allow in my space. You give someone an inch & they take a mile, then you find yourself on this journey you never asked to be on.
Protecting your peace, learning you, & really focusing on being your best self while dating is critical. Don’t get lost in an idea that will leave you stuck. Allow situations to be what they are & take them at face value. When the time is right, when the feelings are there, & when your intentions are aligned, the things that need to flourish will do just that…
Find a way or make one… Either way commit & succeed
-Tee
