Moral of the story, I got played. 35 days into the year & I took my first L. I’m not sure how I… how we got here. I don’t know if I can consider this an L though because it persists. I am in strong like with a man that I know for certain has a wife & is expecting a baby. 10 plus years of marriage & yet he’s here, pursuing me. It’s weird to know what I know & as much as I know & I’ve yet to actually get this information from him. Social media & Google will get you in trouble EVERY TIME.
I brought it up to him because prior to finding out, I was completely oblivious. His comment was that he’s been very vocal about his separation & he thought I knew. Yeah… NAW FAM. I didn’t know. I guess I should have asked more probing questions, I should have asked the prerequisites. I should have found out before I fell.
Now that I’m down here, fallen, it sucks for my feelings sake to have to ghost him, but that’s what it’s about to be. I went back & forth about if I should talk to him about it & tell him what I know, but he didn’t respect me enough to tell me his truth. If I’m going to be a home wrecker let me decide that, don’t take it upon yourself to make that choice for me. If you know me, you know that, although I talk much shit, I am the least confrontational person because:
1. I can’t fight
&
2. It ain’t ever gone be that serious.
When I got word this man was playing me, I hurt so bad. My heart hurt because my head made it believe that maybe I might not be worthy of my own man or be worthy enough for a man to love me fully without any other obligations…. I swear we will talk ourselves out of anything good if we always followed our crazy thoughts. Good thing for me, this time, I knew better.
I started talking to three guys (married man included) at the same time & each one of them carried shit that I just am not willing to help haul. One of them was totally not my type, which was okay because my friends have been telling me to step out of my comfort zone. It wasn't until he exposed his asshole ways & was a complete jerk that I realized I needed to stop compromising my non-negotiables. The next one is single as a dollar bill with no attachments besides a kid, but I soon found out he was a major hoe & the last of course was Mr. Married.
In writing this entry, I’ve realized that these guys were drawn to me from different walks of life & for different reasons, but they all saw the healing heart in me. Unfortunately for them, I’m no longer in that business. I’m at a place in this 30th year of life that if we can’t equally impart things to one another & be 100% there isn’t a thing for us to be discussing.
Honestly, shit like this makes me want to call Kyle & see what’s up… Being a sister wife isn’t that bad is it? (JOKES) but seriously I’m not sure dating is for me in this current time. I didn’t go seeking any of these men, they all swung my way randomly & made me think that maybe… just maybe things were looking up for my love life in 2019.
HA! I WAS SO DAMN WRONG!!!
There’s still a lot of time left in this year for something to shake for me so I’m not trippin’. I am officially off limits until further notice because I’m MF’N TIRED of getting my feelings hurt! I’m still optimistic & remaining hopeful that I’ll love again, but not at the expense of someones wife or my own feelings being compromised.
Damn it February! This really how you gone do me during Black History Month!?!?
Find a way or make one... either way commit & succeed
-Tee