Been gone for a minute, now I’m back with the jump off!
HAPPY NEW YEAR LOVES!!!
I’m realizing that 2019 is most definitely going to be the year that I just can’t do the bullshit. It’s taking a lot in me to not get into full bitch mode, but I just want people to know that walking over me, my feelings, & my heart is something that’s NOT going to be happening.
I’ve been really critical on myself these first few weeks of the year because I have come to see the error of my ways. I’ve realized after some self analyzing that I looked for acceptance in all of my relationships so I compromised my boundaries by not even setting them & did everything in regards to said relationships to please the other person.
I never had my best interest at heart. I never measured my true value. It took me realizing that I was the initiator in 80% of my relationships to really see that no one that I valued, valued me. They didn’t value me because I didn’t make them, they didn’t value me because I was so busy hiding behind their expectations of me to explain what it was that I required.
My relationship with Kyle, as well as the relationships I had with my friends were one in the same. I found myself in search of acceptance instead of a genuine connection so they all fell short. I don’t blame anyone involved for our failed relationships. I blame my lack of security within myself & the lack of boundaries.
Coming to this realization has allowed me to approach situations, friends, & potential suitors differently. Just this week I’ve been called a few unfavorable things for not compromising or allowing certain things to just happen. It’s taken a lot to get here & I’ll be dammed if I ever short change myself again.
I must admit though, shits lonely. Even before this year began I found myself losing people who I thought were here until the end. I found myself falling back from being the initiator in relationships & with that the communication ended. It hurt like hell & as much as I want to reach out, for my sanity, I just cannot. I can’t keep pouring into those who don’t reciprocate & pour back into me. As cliche’ as it sounds, quality over quantity.
As my friend group has decreased, my overall happiness & vibrant nature has increased. Having the right people in your life is truly a gift from God & shouldn’t be taken lightly. I’m thankful :)
In the words of one of the greats @Anquandria, we are flowing not forcing. If it’s not happening naturally y’all can keep it. 2019 has been off to an amazing start. This year personal goals will be met & I will make shit happen. I truly appreciate every reader I have known & unknown. This year’s entries will be dedicated to me navigating this single life & keeping my happy. Thank y’all for riding…
Let’s see where the next 11 months takes us.
Find a way or make one... either way commit & succeed.
-Tee