…but we were supposed to be JUST FRIENDS
1
It’s been said that anything worth having is worth fighting for, but damn I feel like I’ve been fighting all my life for just about any and everything.
Oh wait, where are my manners? I’m Teagan. A 30 something. Navigating life, quite successfully might I add, but it’s been nothing short of a struggle.
When people look at me they first see my smooth dark brown skin that glows when the sun hits just right. My 5’8, size 16 frame exudes confidence, poise, beauty, and a polished exterior, not showing the flawed, sometimes broken interior. It took a lot for me to make room for love at this stage in life, but all in all, the ride has been worth it.
Take this journey with me and I’ll tell you why…
***
Born Teagan Tatiana Teal on September 27, 1988 to Tanya Teal and a father who shall remain nameless, in a small town in South Florida. My mom was single mother still trying to figure out life herself and raise a kid; it was interesting to witness. For as long as I can remember, it’s been me and my mom. We weren’t poor, but we weren’t rich either, we were comfortable. We lived in one of those nice apartment buildings with a doorman, elevator and an indoor pool up until I was about 17, then we moved to Atlanta and it was then that I found out that things were different and life wouldn’t be as easy as my mom had always described.
Moving the summer right before my 18th birthday was rough. I was preparing to start a new high school my senior year and having to make new friends legit gave me hives. I WAS NOT READY.
As I got dressed in my Allen Iverson jersey dress (it was 2006, no judgment), fresh Air Force Ones, and put my braids in a ponytail, my palms started to sweat. I was walking into new territory and had no idea what to expect.
“Damn it Teagan, you got this” I said to no one in particular as I took one last glance in the mirror
“Breakfast in 5 Teagan!” my mom half yelled upstairs to my loft.
I grabbed my phone and iPod mini off the dresser and proceeded to the kitchen for my mom’s first day of school pep talk. I’ve gotten this talk since preschool and each time it meant more and more. Soon I would be off to college so these moments I cherished the most.
“Good Morning Mom!” I sang
“Hey baby! You all ready for school?”
“Not really, but it’s happening whether I like it or not” I said.
“Teagan, listen to me, I know that things will start off rough, but this is a good change for us. You get to make new friends and I get to live out my dreams. Doesn’t that sound amazing?!”
It, in fact, did not sound amazing, but I smiled as I grabbed a piece of bacon off the island and sat on one of the barstools.
“Triple T” my mom only called my grade school nickname when she was trying to say something she knew I did not want to hear.
“Yes, Ma?”
“I just want you to have the best day ever. I want you to eventually see that this day is more than just a first day of school but the first day that you get to explore your likes and dislikes on your own and really figure out who you are without such a big influence from all the family we are used to being around. I want you to know that I love you and everyone at this new school will too. All you’ll have to do is show them that smile. You got this and I pray this day is better than all your other firsts.” My mom said while wiping away a lone tear.
“Thanks Tanya” I say to lighten the mood.
“Girl, you know how to ruin a moment don’t you?” She laughs
I grab my new black Jansport backpack and head to the door.
“The bus will be here soon Ma. I’m going to head out. I love you!” I yell from the front door.
Let’s get this day started.
I wouldn’t describe myself as a tomboy, but I did enjoy comfortable fashion. In my mind, I looked and smelled bomb. I had went to Victoria’s Secret and got some new Love Spell and Strawberries and Cream body spray so I just knew I was fresh as I walked the hallway to my destination. I found my locker then proceeded to Ms. Walker’s homeroom. My mom dragged me to open house the week before so I was semi familiar with where I was supposed to be for my different classes.
I took my seat as Ms. Walker began to take roll. I looked around the room at possible new friends and foes and said a silent prayer that today would go well.
By the last period of the day, I had about five numbers of potential new friends with us making plans to meet at the local mall that weekend. Things weren’t clearly as bad as I thought they would be and I was grateful things got much better when Dennis Walton walked in and looked my way.
Dennis was 6’4 at only 18 and that in itself drew much attention to him. He had a fade with waves that my non-swimming ass wanted to dive right in. His sun kissed skin matched my own in a way, but lighter. Thanks to the braces he wore, I could see his almost perfect teeth as he smiled and asked me my name and if I were new here.
That was the moment I fell in love.
***
D.W aka Dennis went on to become one of my best friends. We did everything together; including going to the same college and moving into an apartment together after our freshman yeah of college.
Since the first day we met, I’ve been in love and have been tortured all the same. I would never tell him how I felt because I’d rather have him as a friend than nothing at all four years of college with botled up emotions stressed me to the max. Tainting our relationship by confessing my feelings was out of the question. So let’s not bring it up again. K? Thanks!
“You ready for graduation?” D.W asked about our upcoming college ceremony.
“Nah, not really. Real world responsibilities make me nervous and it doesn’t help that you’re off to California for your dream architecture job” I said in almost a whisper.
“Aww Triple T, you’re not going to miss me are you?” He asked calling me by my childhood nickname.
I lower my head to stop the tears
“You do know I’m always going to be a phone call away, right?”
“Yeah, but what if you get out there and find a new bestie or a new girlfriend and forget about me?”
“Stop it, you know next to my mom and grandma, you’re my number three”
“I know, I know. Come on let’s grab lunch” I say.
The next day was graduation and as we prepared to take our spots in line I could hear both mine and D.W’s mom screaming:
“Look at our babies!” They both said.
He and I chuckled and took our places.
It was time. Class of 2011. We made it!
2
January 2012, about eight months after graduation, I flew out to Cali to visit Dennis and it was then I knew that things with us would never be the same.
Dennis introduced me to his new friends and new girlfriend. Peyton was the exact opposite of what he had dated back home and my polar opposite as well. She was about 5’4, rich chocolate skin tone (that’s the only thing we had in common), thin but thick where it mattered, long natural hair, and was honestly the most white washed black person that I had ever met. She was proof that in eight months, things had definitely changed.
D.W tried to give me as much attention as possible during my trip, but Peyton wasn’t having it. Everywhere we went she wasn’t too far behind. I guess she was making sure there was truly nothing between us and marking her territory.
One afternoon during my visit, we were walking on the infamous Hollywood Blvd in silence so I decided to make small talk.
“So Peyton, what do you do? Do you work at the architecture firm with D.W?” I inquired calling him by the nickname I gave him in high school.
“No, I’m actually an actress. I waitress on the side to pay the bills between jobs though” she beamed.
“P is going to be in the new Will Smith movie, Triple T. You gotta see the trailer she kills!”
“That’s big P! Congrats! What’s your role?” I ask.
“It’s Peyton actually. I don’t know you well enough for nicknames Teagan.”
“Oh my bad, well congrats. Can’t wait to see you on the big screen.” I say rolling my eyes.
He puts his arm around her as they stroll ahead.
“D.W!” I shout feeling my best friend slip away. “I’m gonna head back I need to call my mom before it gets too late on the East coast.”
Walking back to his condo, I feel weird. Things aren’t sitting well. Seeing him with someone else was breaking my heart.
“That’s it. Tonight, when we are alone I’m letting him know what’s up. I can’t keep subjecting myself to this pain and keeping this secret.” I thought
I had fallen asleep on the couch when Dennis walked in around 7:30.
“Teagan, you hungry?” He asked dropping his keys on the counter and walking toward where I was laying.
“Yeah, starving. Can we go to Roscoe’s?”
“Your wish is my command” He half sang half laughed.
“Cool, let me go get dressed, be ready in 20, sucka” I laugh.
“This is your chance. You’re going to tell him at dinner. You leave in two days and before you head back south he needs to know” I say giving myself a pep talk.
***
At the restaurant things are weird. The air is so thick you can cut it with a knife. Finally Dennis breaks the silence.
“T, I really thought you and Peyton would get along. What’s the deal? Is everything okay?”
Here goes nothing.
“Yeah, everything is cool, I think. Actually, no everything isn’t okay” I rushed out, not even recognizing my own voice.
He looked up from his chicken and waffles and I knew that it was now or never.
“Speak your peace T,” he said.
“D, I have loved you from the first time I laid eyes on you. Seeing you with Peyton today solidified every emotion I’ve tried to repress for the past 5 years. I am sure that you don’t feel the same way and based on who I’ve seen you with I know I’m not your type. I just couldn’t keep that secret any longer. I understand if you want me to leave and never talk to you again. I just had to let you know,” I blurted.
It was in that moment that I knew I had fucked up.
Dennis was a talker and was never at a loss for words, but this confession had stumped and stunned him. His silence spoke more than any words ever could.
He let out a deep sigh.
“I need a moment Teagan” he said as he stood and reached into his pocket for his wallet. He dropped two $20 bills on the table and headed for the door leaving me with the embarrassment from my confession.
Not able to finish my food, I pulled out my phone to call a ride back to his condo. I needed to pack and leave. There was no way I was going to finish out this trip, staying with or even seeing him after he had reacted the way he did.
When I got back to his place it was dark and quiet indicating that he had not come back. “It’s been almost an hour… where was he?” I thought “I bet he went to Peyton’s” That revelation had broken my heart almost as much as him walking out on me.
I quickly went to the guest room and grabbed my things trying to get away from the most humiliating moment of my life. As I was packing up the last of my things, I heard the door unlock and my chest tightened. He was here, but the annoying cackle of Peyton’s laugh let me know that he wasn’t alone.
“I bet he told her ass about what I told him. They have probably been laughing about it. I have got to get out of here!” I whisper.
I knew the coast was clear when I heard Dennis’ room door shut. I took this as my moment to make a mad dash toward the door, trying to end this horrendous moment and make it a distant memory.
3
Four Months Later
“It’s been months since my confession of love to D.W and he hasn’t responded to any of my messages, FOUR MONTHS Ma! I think he hates me” I whined laying across the couch at my mom’s house.
“Baby girl stop it.” She said. “You have to admit, that was a lot that you put out. You guys have been tight like glue since we moved to Atlanta, I’m sure he is just processing. Give it some time. Your birthday is coming up in a few days. I’m sure he will be back around. He never misses a moment to celebrate with you.”
As much as I wanted to believe that to be true, I had already come to terms with the demise of our friendship. I grabbed my things to head out when I got a notification from my new work bestie Riley.
Hey chica, you down for dinner and drinks? It read.
I was not at all, but I knew I needed to get out to keep my mind off losing my best friend.
Hey girl! Yeah I’m down. Meet you at Bar 78 in an hour? I type.
Bar 78??? Oh you tryna catch one tonight, huh? That place is jumpin’ on Fridays. Bet! See you in a few :) she texted back.
I didn’t know what this night would hold, but hopefully it got my mind off Dennis and focused on moving forward.
***
Bar 78 was probably one of the best places to get out of a funk. Tonight would be just what I needed to stop thinking about the mess my feelings got me in. I was feeling a little subconscious walking in next to Riley. She and I were the same height and weight but sis had all the ass where as I had all the boobs so together we were a brick house.
Dudes were looking our way as soon as we sat down. The attention was new, but it felt nice. We needed to do this more often. The waiter approached to take our food and drink order. As he walked away, I felt a pair of eyes on me. I did not know where they were coming from, but who and where ever this person was, was staring a hole in the side of my face.
I looked towards the bar and tapped chair dancing Riley on the hand.
“Girl, I think that fine ass dude and his friend are staring at us” I said.
“Well shoot, let’s give them something to look at! “ Riley said smiling seductively as she stood.
She walked over grabbed me out of my chair and began to dance as the words to “Turn On The Lights” By Future started to play:
Turn on the lights
I'm lookin' for 'er too
I heard she keep her promises and never turn on you
I heard she ain't gone cheat and she gon never make no move
I heard she be there anytime you need 'er, she come through
Turn on the lights
I was feeling the music so much I didn’t even feel when a pair of hands grabbed my hips and caught my rhythm until the song ended. I turned to see that the pair of hands belonged to the cutie at the bar. I walked back to our table and Mr. Fine followed. I was relieved when I saw that the waiter had brought our drinks and hookah to the table while we were dancing.
“What’s up beautiful?” Mr. Fine asked.
Even through my rich dark skin I’m almost certain he was making me blush.
“Nothing, what’s up with you? I’m Teagan and you are?” I asked.
“Trey, Trey Hunter” He said. Where have you been all my life?” he asked as he slid in the booth next to me.
I laughed. “You use that line on every girl you meet?”
“Nope, that was a serious question”
I looked at him and smiled as an equally handsome man came walking up with Riley.
“Girl, I can’t believe you left me out there, you know I need you as my hype man.” She said grabbing a napkin to wipe the sweat from her forehead after dancing.
“My bad boo. You had a nice replacement next to you. I figured you were good.” I said looking at the man standing next to her.
“I don’t know him!” She yelled over the music as she sat down across from me leaving the man, I’m assuming was Trey’s friend, standing.
“Anthony, gorgeous and you are?” He asked as he made himself comfortable next to her.
“Umm, who said y’all could come over here and join our party?” Ri asked looking between the two men.
“Well, I can’t speak for my cousin Ant” Trey spoke, “but when I see something I like my parents always told me to go after it” He said licking his lips and staring me straight in my eyes.
Is he flirting? What is this? Guys have never approached me before because I was always with Dennis. OMG what do I do? My mind was in overdrive.
“He’s right you know, we were raised to get what we want… when we want it” Cousin Anthony added.
I looked between the two of them, gave Riley a wink, and slowly picked up my drink. Tonight would be one for the books. I was going to make sure of that…
***
That night turned in to 6 glorious months of happiness with Trey. Riley was still with Anthony and we were living it up. Both guys had been living abroad in Japan for the past 5 years working for Inveno-tech as engineers so I felt like we had hit the jackpot meeting them so quickly after they had come back stateside.
Things were flowing really nicely until Trey began to bring up meeting families during the upcoming holiday season. I was hesitant because I had never dated anyone this seriously before and the thought of meeting the people who I had heard so much about made me nervous.
My family and friends knew about my new blossoming romance and they were just excited that someone liked my randomness enough to put up with me and my shenanigans for this long. I sucked it up and I agreed to meet Trey’s family during the Thanksgiving holiday festivities coming up the next week. This was partially because I knew that if things got crazy Riley would be there to save me since she would be there with Anthony. This was definitely a time when I was relieved that they were cousins.
4
Thanksgiving Day came much quicker than I expected. To say that I was terrified was an understatement. So many thoughts and questions ran through my head and I couldn’t sleep at all. Trey decided to stay the night with me since he had family from out of town staying with him. It was close to 9 AM and we were not expected at his mom’s house until 2 that afternoon so I decided to turn on some music and clean some of the nervous energy out of me.
Around 10:30 Trey walked up behind me as I was dusting my bookshelf and planted a kiss on my neck from behind wrapping me in his arms, he inhaled deeply then let out a sigh, “You ready to meet the fam today, T?”
“Not really babe, are you sure that WE are ready for this?” I asked turning to face him.
“You scared? Not Triple T!” He exclaimed.
“Boy bye,” I said mushing him in the forehead before heading into the kitchen to grab the broom.
He followed behind me and hopped on the counter as I began to sweep.
He let out a light chuckle, “Teagan, I swear you’re going to love my fam and vice versa. This is the first time me & my cousins will all be in the same place in years so shit is about to be lit!”
This twinkle in his eye while he spoke about his family was so cute. I decided that I would go with it and if things got to be too much, I was grabbing Riley and we would be out. I picked up my phone and shot her a quick text advising her on the plan just in case. I walked into my bedroom closet mentally preparing for the events that were to come.
***
“Trey baby, it’s not too late for me to head to Florida and spend the rest of the weekend with my mom. I really don’t think I’m ready for this. I’m going to be sick.” I said as I sat in the passenger seat of his car.
“You are so damn dramatic. When I tell you you’re going to be fine… believe me. Your mom loves me and I met her in the most random way. Just know we got this. I might have to fight off some of my cousins because you looking good as hell over there, but besides that my moms and pops will love you, trust me okay?”
I let out a deep sigh and picked up my phone to text Riley and make sure we weren’t making a big mistake.
Sis, you ready for this? I sent.
(Riley)
Girl hell no. You wanna hop on a flight and kick it with your mom for the weekend?
(Me)
I swear I just said the same thing to Trey. If we ain’t feeling the vibe we are definitely out boo.
(Riley)
We are pulling up. It’s so many cars out here and I swear this is a mini mansion! Trey mama sell drugs?
Lmao no fool! Look behind you!I typed as we pulled up in the spot behind Anthony.
Both Riley and I got out of the car nervous as hell. She linked her arm in mine as the guys dapped each other up and then grabbed the things from the backseat Trey’s mom asked us to being over. I looked at all the cars in the driveway, this was all so intense. I was not expecting all of these people to be here.
I looked over to the left and noticed a black A6 with a plate that read D.W’s Whip and slightly panicked. What are the odds that he’s here?I thought.
We walked up to the door and from the outside you could hear the family already inside having a great time. Here goes nothing.
Once inside we found the guys moms immediately and introductions were made. I heard a familiar voice, but shook it off because clearly I was tripping. D.W wouldn’t have come in town and not hit me up would he? It had been almost a year since we spoke and I missed him dearly, but after my confession facing him and getting rejection again was out of the question.
The mamas were bossing Anthony and Trey around as me and Ri stood on laughing at how they turned into total children whining and complaining about everything they were instructed to do. So far everything was going so much better than I anticipated until I heard his voice.
“Triple T?” Dennis questioned as I turned to face him.
In an almost inaudible tone I replied, “D.W?”
“What are you, why are you, wow you look great” he finally pushed out as he stumbled on his words.
Trey cleared his throat bringing me back into focus. “Y’all know each other?” he inquired. Ri, Anthony, Ms. Lisa, and Ms. Donna, their moms, stared at us as well waiting for an answer.
I spoke first, “Yes, we do. Dennis and I were best friends in high school and college. We lost touch about a year ago.” I swallowed hard immediately looking for a way out of this.
“Dennis baby where did you go? I heard Peyton saying as she rounded the corner that lead to the kitchen. “Oh hi everyone!” she said enthused until she laid eyes on me. Her smile slowly turning into a frown.
“Teagan, right? What are you doing here?” she asked with an attitude.
“Right. Triple T. What you doing all up in my auntie’s kitchen?” Dennis asked with a chuckle.
“This is my girlfriend I’ve been talking about nonstop,” Trey said proudly as he held out his arm to hug me.
“Hi, I’m Riley. Teagan’s friend and Anthony’s girl since y’all being rude!” she said to the guys as she extended a hand to D.W.
In that moment, I’ve never been more thankful for Riley.
Mrs. Donna, Anthony’s mother, spoke next. “Now that the introductions are over can we eat?”
Everyone in the kitchen burst into laughter. Thankful for the comedic relief.
Aside from the glances that D.W kept stealing when I would look up from my plate, dinner went well. After we ate we all gathered in the family room to go around the room and draw names for the annual secret santa tradition their family kept. This felt good. Being around this, being around love, hell… being in love. Wait! Did I love Trey? Wow. This revelation caught me by complete surprise and suddenly, I needed air.
I grabbed my phone to text Ri to meet me outside, but I looked up and she was already at my side. Work friend who had turned into the sister I never had, saved the day yet again.
She excused us and locked her arm into mine leading me outside because I was suffocating. Once outside she turned to me right as the tears began to fall.
“Teag, you okay?” Riley asked concerned about the tears now falling quicker than I could stop them
Taking a deep breath, I began to ramble, “I don’t know. I just realized that I may love Trey. This isn’t a new feeling, but the last time I told someone my true feelings, he left me. I’m scared to be rejected again. I never told you why D.W and I stopped talking because I was too embarrassed, but he was the last person I confessed my love to and look where that left us.”
It was as if a lightbulb went off in her head as she put two and two together. “Girl, I just realized that fine ass D.W is who you used to tell me about all this time. Wow! What are the damn odds?” she said.
“I know that you feel Trey is going to be the same as his cousin, but I can assure he’s not. That man loves any and everything that is Teagan Tatiana Teal and you’re clearly blind if you don’t see it. Me and Ant actually have a bet on who is going to say it first so go ahead and get it out so I can get this bag, shawty” She laughed.
Wiping away the last of my tears, I let out a slight chuckle, “you’re right. I’m just really scared.” I admitted. “But I hope to heavens that you’re right because another rejection would TAKE ME OUT!”
“When have I ever let you down baby girl?” Riley asked rhetorically as we walked back towards the house.
Once we got back into the house the party was in full swing and Trey was yelling something crazy while playing Uno. Growing up an only child with limited family access just seeing that and being here made my heart smile.
I heard my text notification go off, so I grabbed my phone and my heart sank when I saw a text from an unsaved, but very familiar, number waiting to be read.
(D.W)
Can we talk?
(Me)
About?
(D.W)
Me & U... Us. You know we used to be friends, right?
(Me)
There is no us. You made sure to shut that down when I was in Cali.
(D.W)
Don’t be like that. Are you really goin’ to throw away years of friendship for that?
(Me)
I can’t be your friend.
(D.W)
Is it because of Trey? Please let’s meet up and talk. I’m actually in town until the New Year & I would like to bring in 2013 with my friend back at the least. Peyton will be gone Saturday morning. Let’s meet at our spot. I promise it’s not bullshit.
(Me)
Fine, I will give you an hour. I’ll meet you Saturday at 1
(D.W)
Bet. I don’t even need the whole hour.
I rolled my eyes and put my phone back in my pocket. Not prepared at all for what was to come. I loved D.W, but I am currently in love with Trey. How is this my life? I have to call my mom she always knows what to do…
TO BE CONTINUED…
