"Do you blame me for it?... I blame you for everything."

"Do you blame me for it?” Was the last thing I asked him

“I blame you for everything.” Was what he replied back. 

I wasn’t prepared for what faced me when I did what I did. I wasn’t prepared for the world I’ve known for the last 6 months to crumble. I wasn’t the same person I was when we met. I’d changed. For him. For the better. 

He looked at me with such disgust that I wanted to fold into myself. He ask me was it true & all I could do was nod my head yes. Denying it wasn’t going to work this time. 

When I met Tre’ I knew the type of man he was. I knew that he wouldn’t go for someone like me. Someone who played the long game. That stayed in situations for the benefits & not anything else. I led him to believe that I was someone I wasn’t. I let him fall for the girl I wish I could be. I let him into a world that wasn’t my own. I always wanted to fall in love. I just never felt like the man for me was ever in arm’s reach. When he came into my life I knew it would be different & based on that I should have stayed away but I ignored what I knew to be true & kept pushing thinking I could win this battle not thinking I’d have to ever fight a war. 

As we sat around the table with proof of my indiscretions, the silence became deafening. There it was laid out right in front of me in the home that we’d built emotionally & physically. While our emotional walls crumbled it almost felt like the physical ones were closing in on me too. The plan had failed because I’d felt for a man with feelings I didn’t even know I was capable of harboring. 

Tre’ didn’t deserve this but I did. All I had to do was stay away but I couldn’t. Something in me was so drawn to him that I had to see if it was possible to actually experience real love. I got so caught up once it happened that I lost sight of my reality & went rogue. 

That sent my husband over the edge which is why all 3 of us are sitting at this table looking at pictures of me, him & our kids. 

Ty knew I didn’t love him but he never thought I’d leave. Although it was void of feelings, we had a good life arrangement until I left one day for a quick store run & never looked back. 

I tried to read the expression on Tre’s face but it said nothing. I knew he was hurting. The first man I’d ever loved, I was about to lose. I had to do something to get him to understand, I knew he probably wouldn’t but it was worth a try. “Okay so here’s the truth….” I began.