But God…

It’s only the end of April & this year has already been a lot in the best & worst ways. I’ve been trying to find the words to even write this blog for weeks because even though I’ve experienced some tragedy in the last month or so the triumphs have been beyond beautiful. 

If I’m being honest, I lost hope & faith that anything outside of the life I was living was for me. I prayed & cried out to the Lord because my life didn’t feel like life at all. The routine, the lackluster feeling of stagnancy, the overall feelings of unhappiness consumed me & began to dim my light. I was falling behind on my bills. My need to go out & feel some type of excitement had me spending money I didn’t have. I stopped taking care of myself because I didn’t feel like things could change for me. I didn’t know what was next on my journey but I KNEW a shift needed to take place.

One day in early January while at work something just said trust God & let go… I wrote up my notice & I quit. Once I worked my notice, I had no idea where I was going or what was next but I felt like God was pushing me to take the first step in order for him to provide the help that I was seeking. I had been in my position for 4.5 years, & for at least a year I had been applying for jobs that I knew I was qualified for. Jobs that I knew I could get to just get me out from where I was. Even though I was qualified… even though I could probably do some of those jobs with my eyes closed, I NEVER got a call back. I was submitting at least 10 to 15 resumes a week. Each one catered to the position I was applying for & still got nothing. 

One day it just hit me, God wasn’t giving me just anything because he was working on answering the prayers I had for so long. I set my goals & intentions for the year right before I quit & none of the things I applied to do aligned with anything that I stated that I wanted. I was just trying to put a bandaid on a wound that needed to be permanently stitched up. 2 weeks into my 30 day notice that I had given God said with what I’m about to do, all you’ll be able to do is really trust me & with that upper management asked me to pack my shit & leave…to not even work out my notice because I was no longer needed. After almost 5 years they treated me like trash on the streets & I was devastated. I had planned my finances out perfectly & getting let go early wasn’t in the plan… BUT GOD! 

The day I got asked to leave, I was offered a remote position with a really well known company… but the job didn’t start until March & it was almost $2 less than what I had been making before. So although I technically had an offer I was going to be without income & stability for 60 days. I wasn’t prepared for that but I still TRUSTED GOD. A few days after this offer, I got another offer for an even lesser paying job (-$3 less!) that I knew would be temporary but the start date was soon & some money was better than no money so I began working there with the plan to leave about 6 weeks in & begin the remote job in March… BUT GOD! 

On the Sunday of the week I was supposed to quit the temporary job, I made my way to my parents house like I always do on Sunday’s & got a message from my mom to call my play aunt in an hour. I didn’t think anything about it but an hour later I made the phone call that has so far changed the trajectory of my year for real! My aunt told me to update my resume, add some keywords, & send it to her. I did as I was instructed & after that she just said for me to wait for a call. I quit the temporary job early because I couldn’t take it anymore & 3 days later, on a Wednesday, the call came. The recruiter I spoke with had me crying outside of an African braid shop with my hair half braided when she told me the earning potential for this position. I hadn’t even gotten an offer or interviewed but just hearing that number & knowing it was a possibility was enough to make me cry lol 

Fast forward to that Friday, my family was in the middle of taking a devastating blow & I was with my mother helping her plan for travel to Florida to say final goodbyes to my great grandmother. She & I had planned a trip to Trader Joe’s since I had time off & was anticipating starting my remote job the coming Monday. While on the juice aisle at Trader Joe’s, I got a call from the recruiter that my resume had been accepted & they wanted me to come get certified in Kansas City at their corporate offices & work on this project that I felt extremely under qualified for. On that aisle, all I could do was thank God & cry because this time the alignment was so divine & nobody BUT GOD was going to get the glory with this one. 

I verbally accepted the offer with the formal one to follow… I had tripled my salary & secured a role that is over 75% travel (my dream) & y’all when I tell you the tears wouldn’t stop… to know that I wrote this vision for myself at the beginning of January & God saw fit to say for your faithfulness, it’s your time Teedra… this position aligned with everything I proclaimed to want. I’ve never been the girl to be able to give God my all when it came to things because I’ve always felt like I needed to have a solution… the answer but this one time, He legit said let me show you what trust in me looks like & baaaaby! I’ll never try anything on my own again.  

I’m not just seeing the vision anymore. I am living, walking, & breathing it. To know that in January I truly said “Fuck it” & threw the deuces to my stability for the unknown is wild to me. I’m not saying because I did it this way, it will work for everyone, but I am saying that trusting God is ALWAYS the best choice to make when you don’t feel like you know what’s next. I will say don’t make it your last resort like I did because I’m sure I could have saved myself some tears & money on therapy if I trusted from the beginning. Go to God first with what it is that you know you want. It can be as general or as specific as you’d like but give it all to him & let him work out the smallest details. I don’t know what’s next, I don’t know what form my newest blessing will come in but I do know that in spite of everything I felt, doubted, & wish didn’t happen, God made up for every single thing that troubled me. 

This new journey is a great one. I’m almost 2 months into a lifetime of new opportunities & headed out on my second assignment back in Kansas City. I’m excited about life again. I’m happy about even the smallest things. I’ve grown closer to God & couldn’t be happier.

Yesterday’s price is truly not today’s!

So know that when/if you see me… you’re saying hello to your newest black girl in tech  

In all ways & in all things,

Let go & Let Love

-Tee