Friendships: Leading Role or Guest Star...?

The hardest thing I’ve done over the last year was learn to accept my place in the lives of people that I had as a priority, who clearly had me as an option. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always held my friendships super close. Not growing up around a lot of family and having a sibling 12 years younger than me, made me hold on to the bonds that I created to fill a void that grew daily. 

I went from plans almost everyday with so called friends to not even a phone call to check to see if I was still breathing. Realizing this made me step back a bit and really see a lot of the situations that I called friendships for what they really were. It was apparent that once I no longer held value to these people, my existence in their lives diminished. I realized that I was holding on to the ideas of what I thought our friendship was & they had long since kicked me to the curb & moved on. 

Friendships along with relationships are tricky. They are almost like a double edge sword. It’s like you never know what people are going through so you can’t automatically assume that you are being excluded, but then at the same time, regardless of what’s happening, if you are important enough a person is going to reach out in some capacity if they notice a change. Learning the role you play in someone’s life is vital. You don’t want to overplay that role because it truly does hurt when you’re placed on the sidelines or completely forgotten.

Friendship hurt is real. You learn & grow with someone for weeks, months, years only for them to discard you when they get something new &/or exciting in their life. “When people finally get what they want, what they had that sustained them, is no longer important.” Wise words from my sensei, Master Splinter (lol), put into perspective what I was suspecting & confirmed that I had in fact been a placeholder… seat filler, if you will, unbeknownst to me. Reading this tidbit gave me insight on the real intentions of a person.

Those that know me, know that I love hard & as a result hurt even harder. I give my all in any situation because the expectation is reciprocity. I want to be treated the way I treat other people. Simple. It’s been said a million times “stop expecting you from people.” I get it & all, but at the same time why would I not expect parts of me from someone I’ve invested time & resources in? I believed for so long, that if you are good to them, they will be good to you,” but the forgotten portion of that is “until you no longer serve a purpose or they find what they believe to be better.” In some, not all cases, this is fact. 

Recently, I’ve been hurt by folks I believed were my forever friends. I told them things in confidence about how past friendships had impacted me. Cried to these “friends” about how broken I felt as a result of others turning their backs on me only for them to turn around & do basically the same thing. It has been said that how you treat someone is a direct connection to how you really feel about them. 

Right before the New Year, I sent a series of texts to people who I once held close in an attempt to reconcile &/or get clarity on our situation. Not one of those people responded to the message sent. This further confirmed what I already knew to be true. I held on in hopes that maybe, just maybe we could come back together. I opened up my heart to be broken again because I had so much faith that the foundation built over the years was strong enough to still build on.

In talking to my therapist, I realized that no response was in fact a response & I needed to let go in order to move on. I had to come to terms with them no longer being who I wanted them to be in my life. Honestly, it hurts… hurts like hell, but what can I do? I can keep growing & glowing that’s what. 

When I look at my life in this moment, all I see is support, love, & comfort. If you aren’t providing that then I’m good on it. I only have space for those who have space for me. For so long I felt alone, I felt invisible, I felt like I didn’t matter & truly still feel that in some cases, but I am becoming more cognizant of who’s here rather than who’s not. I am more appreciative of what’s left because you really never know when your moment has expired. With that being said… Love those who love you & don’t look back. Knowing you’ve done what you could is reward enough. 

People come into your life for a reason & a season. When there is no longer a reason & the season has changed you have to move on, let it go, & thank God for making room for what’s next…

Let Go & Let Love

-Tee